The Emotional Rollercoaster of Trying for a Baby — and How Self-Compassion Can Help
- Valentina
- Sep 9
- 2 min read
Updated: Sep 11
Introduction
Trying for a baby is often imagined as a joyful time, but many people discover it’s more of a rollercoaster — full of hope, disappointment, comparison, and pressure. If you’ve caught yourself thinking, “Why is this taking so long?” or “What’s wrong with me?”, you’re not alone. These thoughts don’t mean you’re failing — they reflect how much you care.
Why This Journey Feels So Heavy
Loss of control – Unlike work or personal goals, conception doesn’t always respond to effort or planning.
Comparisons – Seeing others announce pregnancies or being asked, “So, when’s your turn?” can sting.
Emotional highs and lows – Each cycle holds both hope and potential heartbreak, leaving you vulnerable to repeated letdowns.
Underlying fears – Past losses, medical issues, or worries about the future can resurface.
What Self-Compassion Offers
Self-compassion means treating yourself with the same understanding you’d give a friend. Instead of criticising yourself for being anxious or sad, you remind yourself: “This is hard. Anyone in my position would feel this way.”
Research shows that self-compassion lowers stress and supports resilience during fertility struggles. It doesn’t take away the uncertainty, but it softens the pressure and helps you feel less alone.
Gentle Practices for the TTC Journey
🌱 Ground Your Body – Try a 4-6 breath: inhale for 4, exhale for 6. This calms your nervous system.
💜 Soften Harsh Thoughts – When your mind says, “It should have happened by now,” try: “I’m doing my best, and my worth is not defined by this.”
🌸 Stay Connected – Reach out to trusted friends, online forums, or support groups. Sharing lightens the load.
🌿 Make Space for Joy – Life doesn’t pause for waiting. Let yourself enjoy a walk, music, or laughter without guilt.
🌙 Compassionate Reminders – Keep a phrase close: “This is tough — and I’m not alone in this.”
🌿 A Story to Hold Onto
Anna, one of my clients, described TTC as an “emotional cliffhanger” each month. Negative tests left her feeling defeated, until she began pausing to say: “This hurts, but it doesn’t define me.” That shift didn’t change the timeline, but it gave her back calm and self-respect along the way.
💜 A Gentle Reminder
Trying to conceive can stir deep hope, grief, and longing. Meeting yourself with compassion doesn’t erase the pain, but it changes the way you hold it. You don’t have to do this with self-criticism — you deserve kindness too.
✨ You can also download a free handout with self-compassion practices for TTC, and listen to a guided audio meditation.
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