When Motivation Drops & Change Gets Hard: A Psychological Perspective

Change is rarely a straight line — especially when it involves habits, routines, and the stories we tell ourselves about our bodies, behaviours, and worth. Many of us begin with energy, hope, and clear intentions — only to discover that life, stress, and our own internal experiences make consistency feel elusive.

This experience isn’t a failure of willpower. It’s the very psychology of human behaviour in action.

We’ll explore why motivation fluctuates, why behaviour change is harder than it looks, and how therapeutic models like CBT, ACT, and Compassion-Focused Therapy offer real insights and tools — not just “motivation hacks.”

1. Motivation Isn’t Designed to Carry You Forever — and That’s Normal

Professional models of behaviour change emphasise that motivation fluctuates naturally — and this is one of the biggest reasons people struggle to maintain new routines. Research on behaviour change shows that our brains weigh immediate rewards more strongly than future goals (which makes old habits feel easier than new ones). 

In clinical terms:

• Motivation is part of a dynamic process, not a stable trait.

• Emotions, stress, tiredness, and even past experiences shape how motivated we feel at any given moment.

• When life gets hard, motivation is often the first thing to dip — not because you lack strength, but because your nervous system is doing exactly what it’s built to do. 

What this means in practice:

Feelings of low motivation don’t mean you’re weak or uncommitted. They mean you’re human.

This is where Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) becomes helpful — not by telling you to “think positively” or “just push through,” but by guiding you to notice your internal experiences (thoughts, cravings, fears) without being driven by them, while reconnecting to what truly matters to you. In ACT, this is called increasing psychological flexibility — the ability to act in line with your values even when you feel unmotivated or uncomfortable. 

2. Motivation Isn’t Enough — We Need Structure, Self-Regulation & Compassion

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) helps us understand how patterns of thought, feeling, and behaviour interact. It teaches that:

• Thoughts influence emotions.

• Emotions influence behaviour.

• Changing behaviour isn’t just about motivation — it’s about noticing unhelpful thinking patterns and learning more helpful ways of responding. 

For example, thoughts like:

“I failed because I slipped up once”

“If I can’t do it perfectly, there’s no point”

…often lead to guilt, stress, and giving up altogether. CBT helps us spot these patterns and gently intervene — noticing that such thoughts are often automatic, unhelpful, and not necessary for wellbeing.

3. The Body Minds Stress — And We Need Tools for Regulation, Not Punishment

Many behaviour patterns (e.g., emotional eating, avoiding workouts, procrastinating) aren’t simply failures in self-control — they’re ways the nervous system tries to cope with overwhelm. This aligns with both CBT and Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT), which addresses the role of self-criticism, shame, and emotional regulation in behaviour. 

CFT reminds us that harsh self-judgement often maintains patterns of avoidance rather than changing them. Shame and self-criticism can be more damaging than whatever behaviour triggered them in the first place.

Therapeutic insight:

When change feels hard — especially in moments of stress — the answer isn’t more pressure. It’s greater self-kindness and emotional understanding.

4. Why Cognitive ‘Rigidity’ Makes Change Feel Hard

We often assume that if we want something, we’ll just do it — but cognitive and behavioural science shows that the brain defaults to familiar patterns, especially under stress. These automatic responses feel “safe” because they are known — not because they are helpful.

This resistance to thinking and behavioural change (sometimes described in psychological literature as a kind of cognitive rigidity or inertia) reinforces old habits when you’re overwhelmed. 

5. The Value-Action Gap: Why Knowing What Matters Doesn’t Always Change What We Do

Therapies like ACT, CBT, and CFT help us address the gap between:

• What we value (e.g., wellbeing, joy, connection)

• and what our behaviour actually looks like in real life.

This “value-action gap” is common — even for people who genuinely care about change. Simply knowing what matters doesn’t automatically result in action. Therapeutic work helps bridge that gap by building skills, self-understanding, and compassionate recognition of patterns. 

6. What Therapy Brings to the Process of Change

Rather than offering “quick fixes,” therapeutic approaches help you:

✨ Recognise unhelpful internal narratives (CBT)

✨ Stay with difficult thoughts and feelings without letting them drive behaviour (ACT)

✨ Reduce self-criticism and build a supportive inner voice (CFT)

✨ Understand why old habits feel easier than new ones (behaviour change science) 

Conclusion

If motivation fades — or if plans feel heavier than you expected — that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It means you’re engaging with the real psychology of change.

Sustainable change isn’t built on willpower alone. It’s built on:

• Awareness of internal experiences

• Compassion for your challenges

• Skills to respond kindly when things get hard

• Actions grounded in what truly matters to you

Therapeutic approaches don’t make change “easy.” They make it possible, even when motivation ebbs and flows.

If any of this resonates, you’re not alone. Many people come to therapy feeling frustrated with themselves for struggling to maintain change — only to discover there’s nothing “wrong” with them at all.

Therapy can offer a supportive space to explore these patterns with curiosity and compassion, and to develop ways of responding to yourself that feel more sustainable and kind.

If you’re curious about starting therapy, or would like to talk about whether this approach feels right for you, you’re welcome to get in touch.

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